Today I choose to do more of a realistic blog, something that effects us all in some way shape or form at some point during our lives. While it may not be directly aimed at us it can be placed with a family member or your best friend.
This blog topic is a growing epidemic that we need to stop now!
The numbers of female and male Domestic Violence or DV is astronomical!
According to NATIONAL STATISTICS - View state-by-state statistics...
You can read the actual actual that I will be copying and pasting here. I'm not stealing or plagiarizing anyone, I'm merely copying and pasting because I know that most will not go and read the sites information for themselves if it's linked to another page and it's important to see the actual information so for this reason I'm reposting it. Attention needs brought to each area of abuse and crimes against men and women alike. My actual focus will be women since in Real Life & Second Life, I Am A Woman. I am a Domestic Abuse Survivor so when I say that I resonate with you I do, I understand all of the emotions, feelings no matter of their state...Good or bad....I also understand how alone and helpless you feel. Please do understand that this will cover Domestic Violence, Rape, Stalking (Which isn't against the law in Illinois, they do nothing to prevent or cease stalking), Homicide, Children And Domestic Violence, Economic Impact, Physical/Mental Impact (below this is where your printable links and fact sheets will be located). So please, please do go read the
National Statistics - View State By State
For the ones who refuse to travel to the secondary site here is the copied word for word verbatim Statistics from that link.
NATIONAL STATISTICS
View State By State Statistics
You can also download the National Statistics Domestic Violence Fact Sheet Here Domestic Violence Fact Sheet
View ALL of the Domestic Violence Fact Sheets by Scrolling to the lower part of this article as I Simply cant or wont copy entire site as it isn't mine to do so.
- On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
- 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc.2
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence." 1
- 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.1
- 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner. Data is unavailable on male victims.1
- 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1
- 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.1
- On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.9
- The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.10
- Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.2
- Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.2
- 19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.2
- Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior.2
- Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.2
RAPE
- 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States has been raped in their lifetime.1
- Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner.11
STALKING
- 19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have been stalked in their lifetime.1 60.8% of female stalking victims and 43.5% men reported being stalked by a current or former intimate partner.11
HOMICIDE
- A study of intimate partner homicides found that 20% of victims were not the intimate partners themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders.3
- 72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female.8
CHILDREN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
- 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.5
ECONOMIC IMPACT
- Victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8.0 million days of paid work each year.6
- The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year.6
- Between 21-60% of victims of intimate partner violence lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse.6
- Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace by their abuser, 78% of women killed in the workplace during this timeframe.4
PHYSICAL/MENTAL IMPACT
- Women abused by their intimate partners are more vulnerable to contracting HIV or other STI’s due to forced intercourse or prolonged exposure to stress.7
- Studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior.7
- Physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health effects have been linked with intimate partner violence including adolescent pregnancy, unintended pregnancy in general, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine hemorrhage, nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as noncommunicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.7
Printable Fact Sheets
You will need to go to the link and click/print each category that you need information on as I simply don't have the time to copy and paste each page for you and not only that, you need to do it for yourself verses me copying the entire website into my blog. The above information is all I intend on copying and pasting for you to read. I cant do all your foot work because my former state (Illinois) wont be of assistance to you unless your currently reside there and with Zeke, I don't need to know the Domestic Violence laws in Florida, Ive found a man thats been under my nose for years that is an angel and treats me like I am worth something too him and for that I'm thankful for his love and in return love him very much so. Not all men or women are bad, please do not categorize all men and women as evil, they are not!! Again here is the link, just scroll to the links at the lower portion of the page and start clicking on the articles you need or wish to print.
Now, why am I posting this? What is it so important to me to do this?
Well....If you are or have been in my friend circle you know a little bit about my real life and experiences that I've had. For many, they have absolutely no idea what so ever that in the real world and reality.... I'm a domestic Abuse Survivor.
20+ years ago I was stupid, young and naive. I got involved with a guy for foolish reasons and everything was OK, a little rocky but nothing more harmless than fights bruising your egos. I knew him for many many years. I liked the bad boy scenario...Still do but prefer it in attitude and in the way a man carries himself and not in the literal sense (like Zeke, hes a "bad boy" that is a very loving and caring man without the long listed rap sheet from the local police department. Its more of an attitude, the way a man carries himself confidently and not how many banks one can rob, how many old ladies you can tie up and threaten to gain their social security checks or how much of a bad ass you are and how many people you can beat up and assault. Now, my real life wasn't to this degree, I choose to list it this way for my own safety reasons and precautions). So, we decided to get married, I was all in because like I said was only ego bruising arguments that were really age related and petty. So we get the forms and proceed forward to get married, licenses and questions boom its set in motion now all we need is a legal officiant to preform the service. OK we now have EVERYTHING done except saying "I Do". We pick the day and time, the guy comes...We're in my apartment and hes wearing jeans and a t-shirt I'm wearing a blue jean shirt and sporty track pants...We're really throwing all the stops out on our wedding (which cost us nothing but the $50.00 paid at the court house for the marriage license).The officiant talked to us making sure we knew what we were doing and my guess was accessing to see if we were actually ready to marry one another. Basically within 30 minutes we were now Mr and Mrs...
Our witnesses was his mother and sister. We done a couple of photos outside, ring photos and we uploaded it to the computer (through a scanner, smart phones wasnt even realized yet) and the emails went out that we were now married.....Hoorayh right? Sure for a couple of days everything was fine and dandy like a child munching away on their candy. About 3 or 4 days in it started. I was forbidden to see my friends, my mom...My grandmother he knew that I would NOT stop seeing her, she was elderly and needed some help medically so he knew Id tell him to get bent and not care what the repercussions of it was. I was only allowed to be around his family. I no longer had free will of my own, I couldnt wake up and say I think I will go shopping today...NO. I was rarely allowed to leave the apartment. I'll make a long story short and touch a bit on the abuse I endured during my marriage that lasted for about a year. If I disagreed with anything he said I ended up being slapped around. He had punched walls, broken the apartment door, threw glass objects at me and pinned me down on the floor far too many times where I couldnt fight back. During sex he had forced me to do things I didn't want to do and he did things to me that were vile and disgusting. Detail isnt something I wish to relive fluidly and giving others triggers isnt the goal. I went into the crisis center for abused and battered women (including children) with my case after speaking with several friends via email and cellphone while he was gone, I knew I only had short periods to get busy and organized. With the rap sheet he had the police was the last thing he wanted to see since he was on parole for aggravated battery with a deadly assault weapon (A Knife). The night before he had destroyed alot of my personal possessions that was given to me as gifts over the years of my life for various reasons and he had slapped me around. When the "argument" was over I knew what was going to happen tomorrow so I decided to get drunk, so I did. I was so drunk after drinking almost a fifth of Whiskey that I don't know how I got to bed or even in my night clothing. I remember walking up sick because I was so drunk. He was compassionate here, oddly enough. He went and got the trash can and held my hair while I threw up. He even went and got a warm wash cloth for me. When I had everything back under control he took the trash away from the bed and I kept the wash cloth nearby in case I needed it. He asked me why I got so hammered and I said I dont know, I guess stress from the fighting. That was one of very few times he actually made love to me like a normal person would verses some sort of deranged sicko. He was never one to hold you after making love or sicko sex as I call it but he did this night. When morning came of course I felt like death warmed over and was reconsidering the days events until he got aggravated at me over something stupid and punched my grandmothers coffee table then I knew what I was going to do do and I wasted no time putting it into motion. I told him he needed to get out and not come back and that I was calling the police. He took off out the door. I called the police and one of the officers who knew me and my family called my mom and said he was on his way to my apartment for a physical altercation between me and the guy I was with. Where my mom worked she couldnt get to her car because there was a delivery truck blocking her in so her bosses wife told her to just take he car so mom jumped in and took off to my apartment. They didnt know if there was need for medics or rescue but they too were dispatched. I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor in tears surrounded by so much glass that you would have through that a hurricane, typhoon, tsunami or a tornado went through my apartment. I was barefooted in the middle of this whole lot of crazy. They asked what happened, who did this and I told them, I got a lecture from the police office on top of the lecture Id got from my mom when this all began, prior to marrying him. Our parents try to keep us from making mistakes because they have already been here but sadly they dont realize that we are our own people and we will have to make our own mistakes in our lives to grow from the. They mean well but the mistakes they made may not be remotely close to the ones we make, its not unheard of, of making our parents mistakes but usually we make our own.
I'll cut a long drawn story down so there arent triggers and just uber long. When the police was called he knew it was official he couldnt come back, hed been in enough trouble that they could put him in prison with this new edition to his record. His family all stalked me, I had his mom arrested for disorderly conduct (Illinois doesnt have or enforce a policy on or even for stalking) so the disorderly conduct was all I could have her arrested for. There was brothers (sister in laws), sisters (brother in laws) that contributed to this stalking. In stores, clubs you name it....Yes, even in the dive bars around the city. Me and my friends had ni peace and its sad that your male friends want to get into physical altercations with these people to protect you. I always told them.... No, let them come because by us ignoring them they look the fool and if something happens people will come fourth as witnesses that we were minding our own business while they harassed us and they are the ones in the wring and will be in trouble, not us. Them guys were so awesome, loved them to the moon and back and they did as I asked but all they wanted to do was protect me. Since I relocated to Florida, Lakeland to be with my Second Life partner in Real Life I do miss them all but we do email and keep in touch via Facebook now days. No, I didnt jump into a shark tank with Zeke, I've known Zeke for 24+ years in real life. He and I went to school together. He was an upper classman and I was a a lower classman. We've stayed in touch over the years by email and played games online together but I drug him kicking and screaming into Second Life in March of 2012 and by August we partnered one another and the relationship has only grown in the past 6 (will be 7 years in March but partner wise in August) years.
Through out the years up till about 2010 I dealt with him, his family and his friends and to a degree even still to this day of course now its on Facebook and I just periodically look them up and block new accounts and friends of theirs that try to add me. I do not add people on Facebook unless it's family or someone I was friends with in school or some as an adult. I have left alot of old "friends" go due to association with him, his family or mutual friends only to prevent drama and acts of locating me and starting over, though I dont see any of them having the money to wish to come out to Florida just to stalk and harass me and I'm sure the laws regarding this behavior is alot sterner than the laws in Illinois.
My family is different than some families and my friends too. I come from a place that if your my friend then your my friend, in the past, present and future as well as the here and now until the end. My family tends to believe family over nonfamily. Though when you try to hide signs of abuse, ANY kind of abuse is when you fail. I thought Id worn a long enough sleeved shirt to cover my arms and well I didnt consider movement being a cause to show visual effects. My mother seen a mark and then walked over to me and pulled my sleeves up up to my collar bone and my arms were blackened though onto my upper back area. The folder of photos that were taken at the Crisis Center For Domestic Violence Against Women (and children) was the size of a large and very thick encyclopedia and you feel degraded stripping down to your underwear to document the case of abuse, its embarrassing and you feel 15 times worse than what you would if your self esteem wasnt shattered in a billion pieces.
Now this is the thing... He WANTS you to feel like your in the wrong for trying to protect yourself and you are NOT in the wrong for trying to get legal help!
If you have a good relationship with your family and trust them and you know you can count on them confide in your sister or someone that will listen. DO NOT engage them to conflict bodily harm onto your attacker!!!! This looks bad on you. Tell them Im confiding in you because I need help and I dont know where to go or where to turn. When you seek help you MUST be serious and want to get out, you HAVE to be mentally ready or you will fail. Call the police tell them whats happening and ask them for phone numbers that you can call to get help. Usually theres a Crisis Center for Women (and children) in your county. Call the health department, call anyone that will listen to you and direct you to the right places. You can usually find a wealth of numbers on line you need to make sure its for your state though and that its an active outlet for help. Keep secrete means of contact such as an email address that only you know about and trusted people have and even a prepaid cellphone in the case of an emergency (please use caution on giving this information out as your mutual friends could tip him off and then the DV worsens and escalates to a more severe level). in my humble opinion I would give these means of communication to a very limited and select few like police, intermediate family (mom, dad, sister, brother) and if you have any friends that dont care for him its a safe bet they are trustworthy. Everything you do here has to be very select and very controlled to a fault that you question everything and everyone. You are what is important so protect yourself. Dont let him scare you, dont let him, family, friends or anyone else make you question if your right or wrong. Getting out and saving your own life is RIGHT!
If you get any active orders of action against him (Order of protection, anti-contact, anti-stalking and so on types of orders) this depends on what your state issues protective orders for, I ask that you follow through with it and do not have a change of mind or heart because I assure you he's only telling you what he knows that you want to hear from him... "Baby I love you, Ill change, I promise!" or "I love you but you just upset me and make me so angry, I dont mean to hurt you, IM sorry Ill try harder next time" along with many other lines of what I call PURE BULLSHIT. DO NOT let him talk you down, dont let his family intimidate you and dont let his friends scare you. Go stay somewhere thats safe even if your with your family, take care of you first and for most and if you have kids please consider removing them from this environment because they are learning that its OK to be slapped around and violated or its OK to slap women around and violate them against their wills.
Violence in any management form is NEVER OK to any woman. Not beating, not Rape not any type of abuse physical. mental, verbal, sexual or any I may have missed NO ABUSE IS OK ABUSE!
I would suggest that if the crisis centers in your area offer you counseling, support groups and other services for free take them up on it...IT HELPS YOU DEAL.
Sometimes they will provide you with amenities (shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, deodorant, feminine hygiene products ie tampons and pads) and in some cases food and living arrangements, they could suggest you going to family in another state and if there are children involved please consider doing what they need or ask you to do because you can lose your kids over this sort of thing. A friend of mine in Ohio lost her kids over her and her then husband getting into a DV Altercation and I was directed to leave the state to go stay with family which I declined to do because I wasnt leaving my mom and grandma behind to deal with my mess but I also didn't have children. I was told if I chose to not go out of state they would have taken my children from me because my failure to leave the state while the legal issues were ongoing I was potentially putting them in harms way so I basically I was willingly neglecting them. Granted I would have left had I had children I didnt so I felt my mom and grandma was more important. So DO take their advice, do as they tell you, they are only doing what they can to protect you and your kids ensuring you are both safe (mother and children). If they have shelters available for your and the kids to stay in, as long as they are safe stay, no one wants to stay in a shelter but its better than going home to him, to that...To everything you dispense. When you take that first step away from him/them keep a calendar and make each day with some happy notation commend and praise yourself and stay strong, you CAN do this!
Take all the help your offered! Count each day of freedom and taking your life back as an achievement that YOU DID on your own two feet, praise yourself, pat yourself on the back stay encouraged no matter how bad it is, when its over you will feel so rewarded and whole again. I cant say that you wont have bad days, we all do. I cant say that you wont have triggers because we all do. Some will over come them more so than others I think that is credited to the person and the situation they are coming out of. Like I said No one persons experiences or aftermaths will be the same.
And not all men are bad. Sometimes we have to filter through the SHIT to find the ones that are worth the wait. The only times a woman should cry involving a man is engagement, wedding, anniversaries, birth of the children or he gives you the most romantic, beautiful gift that you least expected. Tears of joy and happiness are the only tears worth crying when it involves a man and sadly loss of family (his and yours) or his loss are the only tears of sorrow and great despair we should ever endure. Please do not let one man effect how you see or judge another man, they are not all bad.
If this article has effected you because you yourself, a loved one or a family member is going through this or is a survivor please feel free to comment or you can even contact me, if you feel there should be a group for us to share, talk and provide support to one another then by all means we can and will do it. There may already be a group but it wont be found in search and you will need to be invited exclusively to become a member, why? Because it is for safety reasons. We would have people trolling, griefing and harassing the members of the group and when you join the group its open chat but please limit it to Abuse topics and prevention not to mention if your having an off day and need a little boost of inspiration or encouragement. We support each other and its not limited to only Domestic Violence....Any form of abuse geared towards women is welcome to the group!
Guys, you aren't misplaced or forgotten....I know that the numbers of abused men is also growing at rates that are crazy and while I wouldnt normally hesitate to invite a man thats been abused to the group I'm not certain as to how the women would feel....So ladies when sending comments or private messages on this site please tell me if you would be against men being in the group with you. If you see no issues then we will add men that are abused into the group also but it needs to be agreed in majority.
I hope that you have a wonderful, loving peaceful and romantic Valentines Day!
I must get ready for Cheerleading Practice then to go to my shift as a greeter for tonights OBR Rising. You can find me there from 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM tonight.